The Guards

I love Zooey Deschanel; her voice, her style, her acting...she seems like a very cool person.
I've been on a Zooey Deschanel marathon and I think that picture is so fun.

So how was your weekend? 
Mine was. . .interesting and full of insight.
I've been picking my brain apart trying to figure things out.
Why am I pushing people away?
Why am I so fickle?
Why do I say these things in hope that he'll back off?
Why doesn't he realize that I'm pushing away but want him to move closer?

Movies that help with these questions are: "How to Deal" and "500 Days of Summer".  At least those are the ones I watched recently.
I actually cried while watching "How to Deal" yesterday.  I don't cry during movies often.  Halley and Macon exchange a few lines and all of a sudden it was like a switch flipped in my brain that maybe...I'm the same way?
Macon: "I thought you wanted us to be together."
Halley: "I do.  But together? It's so official, it's so big. . .for us.
Macon: "Maybe you should just say what you feel for once."
Halley: "I can do that.  I can.  I can.  I felt like I had to get out of there because, I might, really care about you and . . .it scared me so much cause that meant you could hurt me.  Maybe I just didn't feel ready..to like someone that much."
Macon: "Don't make it so complicated Halley."

I make things complicated.  I'm scared.  It's stupid but I am.  Somedays I wish I wasn't like this.
I can talk openly about anything but when it comes to feelings I close up, get my guards up.  Sometimes I just wish that when things got scary the guards would be on a coffee break and I could at least begin to get a little closer.
♥