Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Emotional Roller Coaster

've been a bad blogger lately.
I apologize.
Last time I posted I believe I was getting ready to go camping.

Well. . .
I was a grump camping.
I was pmsing and kind of freaking out.
So I don't have many camping stories to tell, most of them are the you had to be there kind.

One major thing happened at camping.
The boy has asked me to move out with him once, then twice when two friends said they might be able to get an extra room, then they asked him a final time at camping along with me.
I was hesitant because of my parents and that we would be rushing it.

Anyways, I've been on a emotional roller coaster for the past two weeks, but this week is the only one that matters.
The emotions were confusion, anger, sadness, nervousness, fear, hurt, more anger, more fear, love, the feeling of being abandoned....a mix of things.
I cried for four days.

I cried in the car ride home, I cried to my little brother, I cried to my dad, I texted two friends, I talked it out with a friend and felt better..until the next day came, I cried to my other brother...
Then everything was fine.

We talked one day but he seemed so uninterested and careless.
I didn't help by saying "I didn't think we would last long anyways" or "So we have an expiry date now?"
Yeah...I said more bad things like that.
It's called a guard, and when you have a boyfriend you are comfortable with and such, you shouldn't be keeping that guard up anymore.

So after that conversation I was mad and confused and hurt.
I called into work the next day.
I tried to work the next day but couldn't do it and left early and called in the day after that.
But we worked things out, no hesitation on what we would do.
We've been discussing visits and future things and about how I'd move in in a few months if when we're still together.
I told him I was told to share my feelings...I did, but it didn't feel like enough and I told him that.

Then the other night he said I love you, again.
This time, I said it back :)
Then I said it the next morning.
The tightness that was in my chest was gone.
As lame as it sounds...oh so lame...let's make it less lame, I have strong feelings for him and I had kept them bottled up when I shouldn't have (his words).

True, he's still moving.
True, it will be hard when he's gone and I think of all the things we can't do on a weekly basis anymore (go to the movies, slushies, video games etc)
But a new season is coming up, it's time for change.

I quit my job.
Since he gets a major change, I needed a change as well.
I enjoy the people at my work, they are so entertaining and we get along...They're my boys.  We talk action movies and video games...but my job pays $8.50 and I tend to do more than asked, and it's gotten extremely tedious lately, and I've been calling in...it's just time.
My next job will hopefully pay $9.00/hour and I'm hoping for 20-30 hours.
Hoping.
And I'm hoping for weekends off.  But that's talking fantasy, isn't it?
I'd love to try a job in a coffee shop, but I think I'm going to go for a stock person.
You will never see me work a register again, done that, didn't like it.

So yes, sorry for being a bad blogger and that's what's been going on in my life lately.
Expect some gut wrenching posts in the future, see ya soon boy post, a new job post and very far off in the future an I Am Moving Out post.
I'm trying to be optimistic about this :)

If you have any long distance relationship stories feel free to share.

I'm working on a new layout as well, still simple but just a small change.

2 comments:

a cat named cat said...

Wow, that really is an emotional roller coaster! Sorry things have been so tough. You said I love you! - wow. And yes, always be optimistic! I love this blog :) Thanks for your comment by the way :)

cindy said...

congrats on saying the words!!